Article 11: Seven (7) Ways To Lose At Strengthing Relationships
In this month's blog, I outline 7 ways leaders can lose at the third phase of leadership, Strengthening Relationships. Phase 3 is the decisive point in your leadership journey. If you win at this phase, you become a transformational leader. However, if you fail to build meaningful relationships, you will not progress on the leadership journey and fall into transitional habits. Phase 3 of leadership is arguably the most crucial phase of building our leadership bridge. Leaders who neglect to focus on relationships and cultivate trust will never move beyond Situational Leadership, Phase 2. There is no magic timeline for leaders transitioning from Phase 2 to Phase 3 of Leadership. Leaders must follow their intuition and act when the time is right. With Strengthening Relationships, leaders must quickly move toward their team to build connections while achieving results. The goal is to transition from authority and move towards your team authentically quickly.
Leaders do not become great because they have power but because they empower.
-Joshua K. McMillion
Too Soft
The first way to lose in Phase 3 is to view building relationships as a weakness. Leaders who genuinely invest in their organization can be viewed as soft or overly sympathetic. However, your goal as a leader is not to build a friendship. Your goal as the leader is to show up authentically and make decisions based on what is best for the team, not individuals. Be prepared to piss people off; that is part of being a leader. This is a part of leadership and a key point a leader must remember. Your goal is to build a professional work environment, not babysit people's egos. A powerful lesson I learned long ago is no matter what you do, you will never have your whole team agree with the decision. Your goal should not be to gain people's favor but to earn their trust and respect. Building authentic relationships is not a weakness. It's required to make a cohesive team that consistently produces wins.
Fear of Others
The second way to lose in Phase 3 is not moving toward the team and caring personally due to fear of being taken advantage of. When I was in command, I often told my formation that I loved each of them as a family member but do not mistake my kindness for weakness. Remember what values are in your House of Leadership (HOL) and want to be implemented in the organization. One of my fundamental principles is accountability. You need to understand no matter what you do, situations will arise where others will take advantage. However, this is the minority and comes a distant second to the countless other team members you will help and develop lifelong connections with. In those rare moments where people take advantage of you, hold them accountable and discipline them. Preventing yourself from establishing authentic relationships because of the risk of being burnt prevents you from inspiring thousands. If people can connect emotionally to you, they will buy into your vision and pour themselves into achieving it.
Not Authentic
The third way to lose in Phase 3 is not being authentic. Unauthentic leaders will have a hard time cultivating meaningful relationships with their organizations. You need to be transparent. We've all heard the term open-door policy, but I am saying to remove the door from the wall. You need to lead with windows at all times. Hold yourself accountable when your mistake leads to team failure, and share the wisdom learned with your team. A part of being transparent as a leader is to humbly identify when your error has caused the team to fail. To gain trust and build strong relationships, you must lead with deeds and words, or others will tell you're disingenuous. When you are given a position of authority, the concept of what got me here will get me there will not work. You must understand that a part of being authentic is being vulnerable as a leader.
Adam Grant
Authenticity means erasing the gap between what you firmly believe inside and what you reveal to the outside world.
Being Liked
The fourth way to lose at Phase 3 is to seek to gain popularity. Leadership is not liker-ship. Meaning leaders mistake building relationships for trying to develop friendships. First, leadership is not a popularity contest. You are the leader and must make tough decisions. Decisions that could cause significant damage or even life and death, given your chosen profession. Once you learn the goal is not to build popularity but to inspire, you will be better armed to make tough decisions. Remember, you are the leader for a reason. Someone believes you have what it takes to be successful. It is your job to make unpopular decisions and have the confidence to know people on your team will not agree. Always be your true self, accept others as they are, and hold people to the standard when they deviate from your organization's values.
Whole Self
The fifth way to lose in Phase 3 is not excepting the whole person. Leaders should not have different versions of themselves. Do you have separate versions of yourself between work, family, and self? It is unfair to your team members and unfair to you. Leadership is messy; it is a journey. You can never build deep relationships if you are unwilling to lead outside work. Accept your team's strengths but embrace their weaknesses. Everyone has a work-life, family life, and personal goals. If you fail to accept the whole person, you will not grow as a transformational leader and cause negative habits to form. A great leader once told me When you are selected for a leadership position, you are a leader 24 seven. You need to be there for your team in their crisis; in return, your team will be there for you. Do not be afraid to lead the whole person.
Being Consistent
The sixth way to lose in Phase 3 is not being consistent. It takes time to build lasting trust, and often leaders will come out swinging in quickly shift to results. Take the time to establish connections upfront and foster them throughout your leadership position. As long as you remain in leadership, you must consistently show up for yourself first, then for others from a place of overflow. Leadership is not for the faint of heart and does not end once you assume a position. You are only beginning a lifelong journey to become a transformational leader. To build lasting relationships, you need to be routine in your action and disciplined enough to do hard things in difficult times. Part of being consistent is living the values you want to be emulated in your organization. It takes consistent routine, accountability, and discipline (RAD). To build authentic relationships, you must do routine things well, leading to extraordinary results.
Bill Belichick
It's not all about talent. It's about dependability, consistency, and being able to improve. If you work hard you're coachable, and you understand what you need to do, you can improve.
Avoiding Ownership
The seventh way to lose in Phase 3 is not allowing team members to own their assignments. Most leaders are plucked from roles where their work, not others, directly causes their success. As a leader, you must have leadership intelligence (LI) to understand how to succeed on the journey. To cultivate strong relationships, you must devote the time necessary to build those authentically. Leaders lose precious time if they cannot allow their team to complete tasks, believing they could do it better. As a leader, you need to empower your organization to take ownership. Once you transfer ownership to team members, it allows you the time to build those relationships. If you consistently rescue your team when encountering obstacles, you sew those values into your organization. Others are constantly watching your actions. Once you set the precedence, if someone fails at a task, they will be rescued; there is no accountability. Remember the acronym RAD. Have the LI to know when success no longer hinges on your ability to perform the work.
Final Thoughts
Phase 3 of leadership is your decisive point in becoming a transformational leader. Leadership is a journey; if you do not take the time upfront to build authentic relationships, you will fail to become a transformational leader. Building close relationships with your team is not a weakness and should not be considered soft. Leadership is messy, and you must lead the whole person, including yourself. You must be honest, vulnerable, and okay with showing emotion to do that. But above all, you need to be consistent. If you fail to live the values and principles you want to emulate in your organization, so will your team. Your responsibility is to your team and their ability to produce results. Be routine in your actions, hold others and yourself accountable, and have the discipline to follow through when times get tough. Let these seven ways to fail at Strengthening Relationships inspire you. We all have greatness inside, but it's up to us to forge those abilities. Become the leader your team needs!
After Action Review
How are you building authentic connections with your team?
In what ways do you hold others accountable? Are you doing the same for you?
What action are you doing now that could be handed over to someone else?
My Mission: I will end toxic leadership practices by equipping leaders with transformational leadership skills.
Together, we will impact 1 MILLION lives!!!
Every day is a gift, don't waste yours!
Joshua K. McMillion | Founder MLC | Founder MLC
More Exclusive Content
Episode 85 with Retired Major General Keith Thurgood & Retired Lieutenant General L. Neil Thurgood