Article 25: Work - Family - Self with Joshua K. McMillion
We have all heard the term work and family balance; however, I have learned a critical piece is missing from this equation: self. Achieving a sustainable balance takes the trinity of work, family, and self (WFS). First, leadership is emotionally and mentally demanding; without checks and balances, you and your family will suffer. Before you can authentically show up personally or professionally, take the time to invest in yourself. Think of this as a battery. Work demands a portion of your power. The remaining balance is shared between yourself and your family. The true test of leadership is when you leave work or retire, will someone be waiting for you at home?
Personally, I'm not too fond of the term balance. Balance implies mastering life and consistently juggling each day's competing requirements. Balance is achievable in short durations in life; however, when it comes, that moment is temporary. Life will get a vote, and each day is different. When we chase balance in life, we fall into the goal mindset. Goal mindsets are fueled by dopamine and cause you to try to achieve balance consistently. Once it's gone, you repeatedly try to replicate that feeling, eventually leading to a hedonic treadmill. When this happens, you're causing leadership burnout that affects work, your family, and self-development. Instead, try and achieve harmony and learn to live with life. When you focus on the journey, you shift your mindset from goals to growth. Life and leadership have one thing in common, they're both journeys filled with ups and downs. Purposeful Accountable Leaders (PALs) find self-serving routines and learn to live in harmony between work and family commitments. I've created an acronym, POISE, to help you achieve a harmonious life.
You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Prevent Excuses
The first step in creating harmony in your life is making excuses. I have been overworked throughout my career, and my attitude has carried outside the professional setting to my home. When you come into work in a bad mood, your attitude will spread throughout your team. The same is true with your family. The attitude you carry walking into your house is like a virus. It infects your family, children, significant other, and friends. You are shut down from life's possibilities when you have a bad attitude. You begin to feel sorry for yourself, avoid having fun, and, most importantly, develop walls. Think of it like this. You come home after a stressful day, and your children want to play catch, what is most likely to happen. You become agitated and angry at the thought of playing catch with your children while making excuses. PALs stop in moments of self-pity or anger to overcome excuses, reflect on what is most important, and align their actions with their hearts.
PZ Posture
Their moments in life where you have to act. This picture before we conducted an aerosol resonates deeply with that level of commitment. When it's time to act, stop making excuses and move forward!
Overcome Seasons
The very nature of life is challenging. Each day is met with a different obstacle to overcome. Remember that obstacles attempt to block, turn, fix, or disrupt us during our leadership journey. The trick in life to overcome barriers is to maintain a growth mindset. Balance in all areas of life is impossible; when we try to pursue a perfect life, we chase goals. Life, like leadership, is messy and will be full of miserable, mediocre, and unforgettable days. A growth mindset allows us to find teachable moments in each day, regardless of the outcomes. When we start to hunt the good stuff, our ability to overcome obstacles dramatically increases. PALs understand life is imperfect and each day is unique. Instead of fighting it, they hunt for lessons.
Identify Your WFS Alignment
Before creating harmony in your life, you must determine where your time is spent. Start with a typical day. How does a routine day go, and where are your time demands? You have to identify how your day is consumed before you can begin to have harmony in life. I strive to achieve four (4) hours each day during the week for self-improvement, then devote 10 hours to the Army and two (2) hours to family. Finally, I leave for eight (8) hours of sleep, but that rarely happens. Once you've mapped out a typical day, start tallying check marks and place them in either work, family, or self bins. If I added the percentage for each category, I would have 62% of my time devoted to the work and 25% dedicated to myself. While 13% of my time is focused on my family.
Once you can see how you spend your time, it becomes apparent where the demand is. To be fair, I am an active-duty Army officer. My commitments to work are arguably much more demanding than others. As a result, my family time is sacred. Only 13% of my average week is devoted to the ones I love the most. Those numbers should not scare you. Instead, they should motivate you to create a burning desire to be intentional with your time. Family is essential; be present with the time you have. If you value self-time, make the most out of it. Regardless, your goal is to recharge your batteries and share that energy with others.
Where do you spend your time?
Each area of our life should be intentional. Pictures were taken roughly around the same time before my family moved again for a military PCS! You can excel at work and life but require discipline and commitment.
Study Your Day
After capturing how you spend your time in a routine week, look deeper. It's not just about spending the physical time required to be successful. Does your calendar reflect who you are? Each day is an opportunity to make a change and become better. Now that you can see where your time is going, you can determine if your head and heart are aligned. You see your day and the demands placed on you, but are you setting the conditions to enter each day with confidence? How does your WFS breakdown make you feel? When I first did this exercise, I was initially shocked. I spent most of my time at work, had no self-care, and felt distant from my family. Distance is dangerous because it allows space between relationships. When there is space in relationships, life demands will fill the void. For example, when you're a manager and spend time reviewing spreadsheets, you start to see people as numbers. People require a connection, and you must close the distance.
Execute
Finally, it's time to take action and develop harmony in your life. You have completed the most challenging part: looking deeper into where your time is spent. You can engage your heart once you can see where your time is spent (head). Which areas of your life are the most important to you? Work is temporary, but our bodies, minds, and families are not. When you decide to retire, hang up That uniform you wear; who will be there to welcome you. Will you have the health needed to pursue your dreams? WFS is vital to creating harmony in your life. Without a profound reflection on where your time is spent, you cannot develop a plan of attack. Once your heart is engaged, align your hands to the task. To help you begin to achieve harmony in your life, I have created an acronym, TIME, that I will review in the next monthly Tales of Leadership article.
Throw Out The Book
There are moments in life where we need to simply execute. Hesitation kills and the perfect book answer will never happen. What you need to do is be willing to throw out the book!
Final Thoughts
In our pursuit of work-life balance, let's shift the narrative to a more holistic approach—Work, Family, and Self (WFS). Leadership demands a delicate balance, and neglecting oneself can have repercussions on both work and family. Rather than chasing the elusive perfect balance, let's embrace life's messy journey as Purposeful Accountable Leaders (PALs) using the POISE acronym. We must stop making excuses, navigate life's challenges with a growth mindset, understand our WFS alignment, study our days deeply, and finally, take action to create harmony. Reflect on how excuses affect your attitude, embrace growth to overcome obstacles, and analyze your WFS breakdown to prioritize intentional time management. How do you navigate excuses in both personal and professional spheres? Are you adopting a growth mindset to conquer life's challenges? What does your WFS breakdown reveal about your priorities and the need for intentional time management? Time to shift from chasing balance to living in harmony. Time bin
After Action Review
How do you navigate excuses in both personal and professional spheres?
Are you adopting a growth mindset to conquer life's challenges?
What does your WFS breakdown reveal about your priorities and the need for intentional time management?
My Mission: I will end toxic leadership practices by equipping leaders with transformational leadership skills.
Together, we will impact 1 MILLION lives!!!
Every day is a gift, don't waste yours!
Joshua K. McMillion | Founder MLC | Founder MLC
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