Article 33 - Defining Failure
One of the most powerful experiences a leader will face is failure. But what truly separates those who rise from those who remain stuck is their ability to understand what failure really is—and what it’s not. I define failure as a momentary setback that forces you to stop, reflect, adjust, and move out. Purposeful Accountable Leaders (PALs) don’t just endure the hardships—they grow through them. Failure doesn’t create weakness; it’s often the spark that shakes us from complacency and forces us to become better. The difference between transformational and toxic transitional leaders is this: the transformational ones chase hard things. They willingly put themselves into the fire because they understand that growth never happens in the comfort zone. But doing hard things comes with setbacks. That’s the cost. The real key is what you do when failure shows up—do you pause and learn, or press on blindly? As the saying goes, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. So today, I want to give you a foundation. This is the beginning of a journey we’ll take together to define and defeat failure. Using the acronym FAILING, I’ll walk through seven truths about what failure is not, drawing from my personal experience, the wisdom of John Maxwell’s Failing Forward, and real-world lessons you can apply today.
“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” —Winston Churchill
Failure Is Avoidable
At some point, we’ve all asked ourselves, “Could I have done something differently to avoid this?” The truth is, anything in life worth doing is going to come with resistance. Obstacles are not optional—they're guaranteed. When I was in basic training, my drill sergeant looked at me and said, “Cadet McMillion, you are going to learn, but it’s your choice—will you choose pain or repetition?” I chose repetition. I chose to keep trying, adjusting slightly each time until I got better. That’s what leaders do. Life is messy, and leadership is chaotic. You will fail, and you will lose. But what matters most is how fast you absorb the lesson and move forward. When Murphy’s Law rears its head—and it always will—your ability to adjust rather than retreat is what defines you. Studies on growth mindset, especially from psychologist Carol Dweck, show that people who view their abilities as adaptable are more resilient and successful over time. PALs know failure isn’t something to be avoided; it’s something to be embraced as part of the journey.
Key Takeaways
Anything worthwhile will challenge you.
Repetition—not retreat—is the path forward.
Growth mindset leads to long-term resilience.
“Growth begins the moment you stop avoiding what’s hard and start engaging with it.”
Assuming It’s Isolated
Failure rarely occurs in a vacuum. It’s not a one-time event—it’s part of the natural rhythm of growth. When you view a setback as the end, you stop short of what could be your greatest breakthrough. But when you recognize it as part of a broader process, it loses its power to define you. Throughout my military career, I’ve faced numerous setbacks. But every single one has taught me something new, and each lesson has moved me further down the path. Think about how software is developed. It’s not done in one clean sprint. Agile teams build, test, get feedback, and rebuild. That feedback loop is the fuel of innovation. Each “failure” is just a step closer to the finished product. PALs see failure the same way—not as an isolated defeat, but as part of an iterative process.
Key Takeaways
Setbacks are part of a larger process.
Iteration—test, learn, and adapt—is essential.
Failure is a data point, not a dead end.
“One failure isn’t the whole story—it’s just one chapter in a book still being written.”
Incorrectly Labeling Failure
Only one person gets to decide if you’ve failed—and that’s you. The outside world will try to slap labels on your experience, but you get to choose whether to accept them. One of my favorite historical examples is General Douglas MacArthur at Corregidor. Surrounded and forced to flee, he left behind his troops. On the surface, it was a devastating failure. But that retreat lit a fire in him. He came back, liberated his forces, and ultimately ended the conflict in the Pacific. That initial defeat wasn’t the end—it was a turning point. Just because the world sees a loss doesn’t mean you failed. You can redefine the moment. Every stumble can be a setup for a comeback—if you let it. PALs don’t internalize the labels others try to give them. They define their own narrative.
Key Takeaways
Failure is subjective—not objective.
Don’t let others define your outcomes.
Setbacks can fuel your future success.
“You are not your last outcome. Redefine it, and reclaim it.”
Limiting Your Perspective
Failure often gets framed as the enemy, when in reality, it’s a teacher. Language matters. If you try something new and it doesn’t work, don’t say you failed—say you learned. Change your vocabulary and you change your mindset. When I face something new and fall short, I immediately ask, “What did I just learn?” That shift moves me forward. Herbert V. Prochnow once said, “The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.” That quote reminds me that leadership doesn’t come from playing it safe—it comes from trying, failing, and trying again. PALs change the language they use around failure, and in doing so, change how they lead.
Key Takeaways
Language shapes your response to failure.
Use “learning” instead of “failing.”
Growth comes from new perspectives.
“What you call failure might just be the beginning of understanding.”
Immovable
Many people believe once failure hits, the outcome is set in stone. But that’s never the case. Nothing in life is immovable unless you decide it is. Take Alexander Fleming, for example—the inventor of penicillin. He wasn’t aiming to discover antibiotics. He just noticed mold growing on his old experiments and saw how it dissolved bacteria. Rather than trashing the spoiled samples, he paid attention—and changed the world. Your current situation is never final unless you make it so. As long as you’re still breathing, you still have the power to rewrite the outcome. PALs never accept that failure is permanent. They know that every situation can change with the right mindset and action.
Key Takeaways
Failure is rarely final.
Great discoveries often come from unexpected detours.
You have the power to shift direction.
“If it feels unmovable, change your approach—not your resolve.”
Naive To Failure
Being naïve about failure means walking into battle blindfolded. You can’t afford to hope things will just “work out.” Hope isn’t a strategy. Thomas Edison famously said, “I didn’t fail 10,000 times. I found 10,000 ways that didn’t work.” He assumed failure would happen—and prepared for it. Leaders must do the same. It’s easy to hope for the best, but the best leaders prepare for the worst and adapt along the way. I’ve seen it time and again—those who expect adversity are better equipped to handle it. PALs are never naïve. They anticipate setbacks and view them as signals, not surprises.
Key Takeaways
Hope must be paired with preparation.
Assume failure will happen—and plan accordingly.
Resilient leaders anticipate and adapt.
“Hope is not a plan. Prepare for the waves—and learn to ride them.”
Gone Forever
Perhaps the most destructive myth about failure is that it’s permanent. But as long as you’re still here, it’s not over. Winston Churchill once said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” That is the key to overcoming failure—the courage to keep going. I’ve had moments where I felt like I couldn’t move forward. But every time, I took one more step, and eventually, I found a way through. The Stockdale Paradox reminds us to confront brutal reality while holding faith in ultimate success. PALs understand that nothing is gone forever. Every attempt is a new beginning.
Key Takeaways
Failure only wins if you quit.
Courage is the key to continuing.
Every setback is a setup for a new beginning.
“What’s lost can teach you what’s worth fighting for.”
Final Thoughts
We’ve just walked through seven truths of what failure is not. Failure is not avoidable. It’s not isolated. It’s not fixed, final, or fatal. It’s not something to be feared or falsely labeled. It is a tool, a teacher, and—if you let it—a turning point. These seven truths, tied to the acronym FAILING, are just the start. In the next part of this series, I’ll introduce you to LEADERSFAIL, a practical framework with 11 tools to help you overcome failure in real time. As PALs, we don’t shy away from hard things—we lean in, knowing that through failure comes the refinement of our character and leadership.
After Action Review
Which of these seven myths around failure challenged or affirmed your current thinking?
What’s currently holding you back from reframing or overcoming a past failure?
What actions or resources can you leverage today to push forward?
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Joshua K. McMillion | Founder MLC
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Failure isn’t what you think it is. Before you can lead through it, you have to redefine it. In this article, I break down the seven myths of failure using the acronym FAILING—from believing it's avoidable to thinking it's gone forever. Whether you're leading yourself, your family, or a team, this is the mindset shift you need to turn setbacks into momentum.